Wednesday, April 9, 2008

What do you do when you lose your inspiration in the kitchen?

When something bad happens people normally sort to drinking coffee, tea or eating chocolate to console them. I am normally the type that would take out a good cookbook and would start cooking; I always find enorme pleasure when I am in the kitchen. I become more imaginative, I blossom and I tend to forget everything around me. It is indeed my comfort zone.

But today is a different day. No matter what I do my morale is totally down. Did I lost my inspiration? Where did it go my magic wand?

It is since yesterday that I have learned the sad news from home that my dad or papush (that's how I often call him) just passed away. When I've found out the news from my sister I felt like it was just a dream. That I am not there and I am not hearing this news. Strangely I feel so empty inside. Being far from them makes this emotion even harder to bear. I tried to take a nap but I couldn't. I took a hot shower hoping that my tears will fall unperceived this way, but nothing came out. All I had running like a broken record in my head were images of my papush and me laughing and enjoying those moments when we were young. Everytime I look back, I see our life as in the italian movie of Roberto Benigni, Life is Beautiful that the father does everything to hide the harsh realities of life. And that life is colorful and worth living amidst poverty and no matter what.

Taken during my wedding..

He is my biggest inspiration in life. Everything I accomplised in life I owe it all to him. It's gonna be a very very rough time for me I guess.

I'll be taking a short break (probably 2 or 3 days) I'll be heading home tomorrow. After this 14 long hours of flight to Philippines I will be confronting reality. It is so hard to say goodbye specially when you don't want it in the first place. But don't worry I am alright and rest assured I'll be back in few days ( I have tons of recipes lined up waiting to be published). And besides blogging will help in healing me :-)

As I think about it this would mean; no more corny jokes, no more captivating scent of coffee brewing, no more heart-warming kundiman (romantic) songs in the morning, no more "best" garlic fried-rice in the kitchen....oh gosh I will terribly miss you Dad!



68 comments:

Happy cook said...

Sorry to hear about you dad.
Our prayers are with you and family

chriesi said...

While reading I had some tears in my eyes. I feel with you.

Peter M said...

Dhanngit, my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. No wonder you don't feel like cooking...many wouldn't even feel like eating.

Take the time to grieve, heal and remember your father. Take comfort in the fond memories he left you with.

Dhanggit said...

Happy Cook and Chriesi, thank you so much!!

Barbara said...

I am sorry to hear about your Dad.My love to you and your family.

Dhanggit said...

Peterm, thank you too for your warm words :-) i need a lot of that nowadays

Dhanggit said...

BArbara, thank you too :-)

I Cook4Fun said...

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. May the Good Lord bless his soul. Take care Dhanggit.

Manggy said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Dhanggit :( My prayers go out to you and your family.

Gloria said...

My dear and lovely Im so sorry to heard about your Dad. But was areally nice man I think is with God and you have a lot of lovely memories from him.
I know th first time is so diificult amiga, but rest in God and you think in your baby and you hubby too.Take your time, be nice with you dear. Here is my mail gloriadelpilar_1994@yahoo.com I will so happy if you want to mail me to talk or everything.xxxxxxxxxa big hug amiga. Gloria

Gloria said...

Dhanggit is so lovely have a connection with you, I don't know why today the first Bloh I visited was your (Im goin to take a shower) but first I think I went to Dhanggit, yes and Im a little sad too, because when friends are sad we share it. Have a good travel and take care.xxxxx Gloria

Ann said...

My deepest sympathies, Dhanggit. My thoughts will be with you.

Makis said...

So sorry to hear about your dad. It's something we had to go through and we come out stronger. Have a safe trip and we'll really have to EB soon :)

Deborah said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

Jo. said...

Well as I can see Chriesi was faster. But still I fell like awarding your lovely blog with the E award!

Sylvia said...

Oh Dhanggit, sweetie . I am so sorry to heard about your loose My thoughts are with you.
Take your time and take care

Sidney said...

I am so sad to hear this. My sincerest condolences.

Good-night! good-night! as we so oft have said
Beneath this roof at midnight, in the days
That are no more, and shall no more return.
Thou hast but taken up thy lamp and gone to bed;
I stay a little longer, as one stays
To cover up the embers that still burn.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow-

Little Corner of Mine said...

So sorry to hear about your dad, my condolences are with you. Take care!

oggi said...

My heartfelt condolences Dhanggit. It's obvious you and your dad were very close. My thoughts are with you and will say prayers for your dad.

glamah16 said...

Dhanggit,
Im so sorry to hear this. Take your time to heal . I pray you have safe journey back home . Theres no time table to grief so just listen within. If you dont feel like cooking,etc. then dont.You'll know when your ready.

christine said...

My dear Dhanggit, I am very sorry to read this. Like Peter says, let yourself grieve. I will say a prayer for your Papush and your family. Hugs!

Tess said...

So sorry about your sad news, Hilda, it is something that we do not want to hear but somehow it comes. Cry if you must, as this will alleviate the pain. Take care and safe journey.

Tess, Kieran, and Kyle Brown

maybahay said...

that was a beautiful little tribute of words to your father.
my warmest thoughts and prayers are with you. hang in there.

Desie
XO

Rosie said...

My 'dear' Dhanngit, I send my deepest sincere condolences on the sad loss of your dear Papush. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this very sad time. I am sending hugs your way sweetie. You take care and thinking of you!

Rosie x

Ann said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Having lost my mother years ago, I know the journey of this pain - and my heart goes out to you in every way.
Take care, Ann

Catherine Wilkinson said...

oh sweet Dhanggit...I am so sorry for you and your family. That is a hard loss for you. But take comfort in your memories and the knowledge his spirit will always be with you.

Tanya said...

I am so sorry for your loss, and will be keeping you in my thoughts. Please take good care of yourself as you heal. I'll make an extra cup of tea over here on your behalf.

haze said...

We have talked it over YM and you know my shoulders are there for you! All my condolences and will say a prayer too ! Take care on your way, just be brave!

tigerfish said...

Sorry to hear about that.
Don't worry, just take care of matters ahead first. Posting and cooking can wait since we will be here always.

Take care.

Zen Chef said...

I'm saddened by your loss Dhanggit. My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family. Be strong.

Emiline said...

Oh my goodness Dhangitt. I'm so, so sorry. I'll be thinking of you and your family at this time.

myfrenchkitchen said...

I am so sorry Hilda! You will be in my thoughts and prayers along with your family. Take care and hang in there...
Ronell

James Melendez said...

My deepest condolensces.

Ruy said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss... My condolences and prayers go out to you and your family.
May you find healing and comfort in the company of your family and loved ones here.

Passionate baker...& beyond said...

Sorry to hear of your great loss Dhanggit...it's a difficult time for you & your family. My thoughts are with you...be strong girl.

Babette said...

My condolences to you and the whole family. May his soul rest in eternal peace. Have a safe trip back to the Phils.

Definitely Maybe!
Not Just Another Blog...

Big Boys Oven said...

very very sorry to hear this, but dear be strong!

acey said...

ate dhanggit, i'm truly sorry to hear about your daddy... love and prayers! =)

Marvin said...

I'm so sorry about your loss Dhanggit. My prayers and condolences to you and your family.

K & S said...

so sorry to hear about your loss. take care and lots of hugs!

jj said...

So very sorry to learn of your loss. I can well imagine how devastating..just thinking about losing my father, well, let's just say I could relate to your post. Remember though, he lives on in you. Godspeed.

ut-man said...

My deepest sympathy and condolences to you and your family...

Michelle H said...

I am terribly sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

Wandering Chopsticks said...

Oh gosh, I am so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

Analyse said...

oh, im so sorry to hear that. my condolences to you and your family. *hugs*

Susan from Food Blogga said...

Oh, Dhanggit, my heart goes out to you right now. Your father sounds like he was a beautiful man who dearly loved his family. You will be in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself.

mimi said...

you are probably already in the philippines now, but i'm so sorry for your loss. i hope you are finding some solace joining with your family at this very sad time. take your time; we'll all be here when you are ready to come back.

beachlover said...

Sorry to hear about your lost.My deepest condolances to you and your family.Take care:)

Cynthia said...

I am truly very sorry to hear of the passing of your dad. My thoughts are with you and your family.

White On Rice Couple said...

We're giving you a big hug right now, with tears in our eyes. So, so sorry. We are very close to our dads and cherish every moment we have with them because they are getting so much older. Your pain is truly our pain.
All our thoughts are with you and your family. We look forward to hearing from you again.

Suzana said...

Oh my dear Dhanggit, I'm so sorry for your lost. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Gloria said...

Dear Dhanggit we miss you, how are you, dear Im worry by you really!!!!xxxxGloria

joanne said...

I wish you and your family peace.

Em Dy said...

Just read this today Dhanggit. My prayers are with you and yourfamily. I'm sure your dad is in a much better place now.

princess_dyanie said...

Just read it now. My deepest sympathies, Dhanggit. I will pray for you and your family.

Everything happens for a reason. Your papush is now with our Saviour.

Sheltie Girl said...

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I hope you have a safe flight home and back. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Natalie @ Gluten a Go Go

Gloria said...

Dhanggit you come back??? I miss you a lot!!! xxx a big hug Gloria

JayAshKal said...

As a father myself, I am so saddened by the lost of your Dad. I am sure he is so proud of you and will also miss you!

Anne said...

Sorry to hear about your father. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family... take care.

Jen Yu said...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry about your loss. I hope going home to be with your family has helped you on your road to healing and peace. It is never easy when you lose a loved one. He'll always be with you. He'll always be a part of who you are. I love the picture of the two of you together. Take care of yourself.

Andrea said...

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you find comfort in happy memories of your father.

Shalimar said...

been away .. just read yr post.
may he rest in peace and warm prayers to you and your family.

ChichaJo said...

I'm so sorry to hear this...my deepest condolences to you and your family. Big hug to you!

sunita said...

Oh dear Dhanggit...your words brought tears to my eyes...I lost my father nearly 14 years ago (seems like yesterday) and can totally understand your pain...but, I'm sure the ordeal will make you a stronger person...my thoughts are with you and your family.

Mango Power Girl said...

I am sorry for being so late, but my sympathies & a big warm hug to you...hope you find some strength in your memories of him.

Tartelette said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts go to you and your family.

arundati said...

so sorry for your loss dhanggit.....deepest condolences

Gabi said...

I know this is very late but somehow I fell off the planet and missed your sad news. I wish you peace and fond memories of your lovely papush! I am so sorry I wasn't here sooner to lend a heart and shoulder.
Take care sweetie!
xoxox